Fragments of Chaldea: Food Edition
by Izanagi009
Summary: A Side Story to Fragments of Chaldea by GhostXavier using food and food culture as a framing device
1. Chapter 1: The Great Debate

**Foreword:** This is a food related spinoff of GhostXavier's Fragments of Chaldea with explicit permission from GhostXavier. As such, please do not use his characters without permission. In addition, any mistakes, food or character related, should be taken up with me not GhostXavier.

**Chapter 1: The Great Debate**

Place, Time, Culture. Every single point in time and every person may drastically differ from one another but there is one thing that unites everyone.

Food, that which gives sustenance and joy to billions around the world. From the dawn of man to the modern era, food is a constant

Of course, not everyone agrees on what's the best.

"Tea", "Coffee", "Tea", "Coffee"

This is one of those times. Sitting in the Salon, a rare argument has arisen between two masters. Anishka Sharma, the 50th Chaldean Master, born in India and naturally, closer to tea than coffee. On the opposite end, Skyler Albanese, a man known to drink coffee as if it was water.

It matters not what brought it on but now these two are stuck in an absurd debate that has pervaded for generations.

"Tea is weak, not enough to keep a guy running. Plus, it's so finicky to work with: Type of Tea, Temperature, Time of steeping, and so much prework. Frankly, I just want to press a button and got a pot of joe quick"

"And that's the problem, Coffee is TOO strong, it can disrupt one's sleep and biology. Also, you are one to talk about finicky: your drink can literally fail based off the grind, humidity, temperature, and even the pressure the grounds are pressed at. And if you go the easy method, you end up with a bland one note drink."

Looking on are two pairs of eyes. One is the great hero of the second yuga. A man representative of the creator and known for a tragic love. Rama. The other, a corrupted knight king, what was once just turned into a glutton, Artoria Alter.

"Soooooo, didn't expect Anishka to be this heated. She is normally so reserved." Said Rama with an confused look

"Meh, these things happen, I've dealt with my master drinking so much coffee to make a horse buzzed. I should have expected him to be passionate about this." sighed Alter

"Hum, what's going on?" said the esteemed El-Melloi II as he walked in. However, soon as he heard the arguing. he immediately knew.

"Dear lord, this argument? I've seen this absurdity pop up on the net and among the more affluent in my world. It never ends"

"Yeah, it doesn't. Besides, Coffee is the far more ubiquitous commodity and for us who worked in Rayshift, it's a lifesaver." Da Vinci chimed in while sitting at a booth.

"While I'm tempted to agree with you seeing as it has saved me a few times in the Clocktower, Tea is the far more refined drink. Subtle in one stroke and Raw flavor on the other, the variety of tastes and styles are plentiful enough that a lifetime isn't enough.

"Oh, you say that with tea but I can argue the same with coffee given roast and grind. Plus, it has better utility than just teas with it's refined image."

("oh dear, this might get hectic") Alter and Rama thought as El-Melloi and Da Vinci started getting into it.

Soon it wasn't just four people but almost the whole of Chaldea. Angra had been sitting on the sidelines seeing the chaos.

"Wow, these people really are getting into it over bean and leaf water. Maybe I will have some fun". Angra smirked right before getting death glares from the four involved. Regardless the damage was done. Posts were made on Thronebook debating tea and coffee and the whole of Chaldea was swept in.

**Demon King of the Sixth Heaven**

HUH: what nonsense is this. Tea is obviously the superior choice. The drink of generals and lords. Plus it goes well with my snacks

**King Leonidas**

Tea may be the drink of Lords but we soldiers need to stay awake. If I had coffee before Thermopylae, we could have help steadfast against the Persians, two, no three times longer.

**Alice is Wonderful**

I swear, is war the only thing on your minds? The time for war has passed and Tea is the refined drink for relaxation.

**Thomas Alva Edison**

TEA MAY BE THE DRINK OF REFINEMENT BUT COFFEE DRINKS INDUSTRY AND THE AMERICAN WAY. WITHOUT IT, WE WOULD GRIND TO A HALT IN A HAZE OF DROWSINESS.

**Detective Holmes**

Yes, Coffee drives industry but unfortunately, it causes a crash just as fast. Tea can serve as a substitute and keep one awake without the crash

**Professor Moriarty**

As begrudgingly as I say this, I agree. Tea is the drink of academics, of math. A drink for those in my field.

**The Great Shakespeare**

You say that, but the dark elixir that is coffee has empowered me for many fortnights. I wouldn't be able to publish my works if not for it.

**Author Hans**

Same, and I will also add that despite what Alice says, the dreamlike world of teatime is absent. The real world requires work and work requires coffee.

This back and forth banter continued for many hours across all cultures and times. Eventually, Thronebook was overwhelmed until one particular comment was made.

**Madam Marie**

Come ooooooooooon! Can we all get along. Look, my Salon has the finest of both beverages and if you really think there is something missing, tell me so I can get it. Besides, during my time, tea and coffee were served aplenty in Versailles and we all discussed and enjoyed ourselves. Can we please not fight.

At that point, everyone was tired, exhausted and anxious from the debate. So they decided to just head to the Salon for their respective drinks.

However, two individuals in a corner of a salon observed the madness with haughty denouncement.

"heh, these mongrels debating the two most banal drinks I've ever seen. Clearly, the drink of kings is the finest wine that my treasury holds"

"INDEED, Just as the Sun is above the Earth and Pharaohs above the common man, so too is Wine above all beverages."

It would seem the debates over food won't end.

**Afterword: **Thanks for reading my fanfic. I was inspired to write this because of interest in seeing how different servants would react to current trends in food and food culture. A few notes beforehand:

-These characters are based off GhostXavier's Fragments of Chaldea and as such should not be used without his permission

-I'm a first time fanfic writer so I would love constructive advice

-I'm open to suggestions on what to do next.

-Characters that aren't in main Fragments aren't going to be in this story

-Any issues with the story can be revised as needed.


	2. Chapter 2: Many Facets of Two Drinks

**Foreword:** This is a food related spinoff of GhostXavier's Fragments of Chaldea with GhostXavier's permission. As such, please do not use his characters without permission. In addition, any mistakes, food or character related, should be taken up with me not GhostXavier.

**Chapter 2: The Many Facets of the Two Drinks**

Chaldea, following the resolution of the time temple and the singularities, had been granted access to one of the greatest boons of human civilization: the Internet with it's petabytes of information. The sum total of all human culture and knowledge in the palms of beings that have transcended the boundaries of time itself.

Of course, not every day would be one of major enlightenment. No, today was a day of curiosity gone wild. Following the great debate over tea and coffee, a few groups decided to look deeper into their respective drinks and how they have evolved from their times. The following are accounts for the results of their curiosity.

Group 1: Karna, Arjuna, Rama, and Anishka with regards to Tea

"So, there is an entire subset of tea that's become popular among the west that is simply called "tea tea"" remarked Karna in a calm blunt manner

"Brother, I believe this "tea tea" is just what we call a Masala Chai. Granted, I'm just as annoyed as you are; our culture's drink has been taken and quite literally diluted for the majority of people" retorted Arjuna in a jab at both Karna and the western tea drinking audience.

"Yeah, I can understand your frustration Shris Arjuna and Karna, but most people that only know of the drink as "Chai Tea" probably don't know how to make a good masala or pick out the right spices. As such, this isn't a terrible thing. I do admit though that the drinks could be more spice heavy. Most of the time, the major chain's version is way too weak" said Anishka with slight exasperation.

"I'm just surprised that Ravana's land is now a major tea growing region with a lot of renown. I do wonder how the people there are doing, given the country was one of demons in my time. Regardless, maybe I should try this "Ceylon" tea; it would be nice to see how the drink of my time has changed."

"hum, maybe we can ask Marie to get some high-end tea from the region. I also think Emiya won't mind us using some of his spices for our tea. We could have masala chai like you used to have Shri Rama but with modern tea" smiled Anishka with admiration.

Group 2: Da Vinci and Skyler with regards to Coffee

"Huh, so this is a thing?" muttered Da Vinci with a curious tone. "What caught your eye, ma'am" said Skyler as he was walking by.

"Oh, Skyler, I was just looking online at stuff about coffee. So people are pumping gas into coffee to enhance taste as well as just brewing coffee cold."

"Huh, so you found out about Cold Brew and Nitrogenated cold brew. Yeah, that stuff is interesting. If you are looking for a higher caffeine boost, cold brew can do that while also not actually being that bitter or acidic. Takes a long time though, like almost a day in cold water to make."

"Still, Geniuses like me could use the extra caffeine for long work shifts. Plus, the fact that it's not that acidic and bitter means I can drink more of it. What about this Nitrogenation process? I'm reading that it changes the texture of coffee"

"Yep, if you know about Guiness beer and how they are served on tap, the basic principle applies. The nitrogen supposedly thickens the drink and adds a velvety feel that cascades down. A bit much for me given the extra cost tied to it but it does sound interesting"

"huh, I don't mind a good pint of Guiness, so that sounds fun." "Regardless, I'm just amazed at how much coffee has changed. So many trends and variants, I'm seeing stuff with butter, evaporated milk, even foamy coffee."

"I'm glad you are enjoying yourself Da Vinci. Me, I'm just happy with my average pot of joe".

**Afterword:** Thank you for reading the fanfic and sorry for it taking so long for it to get out. Lets just say the last month has been very draining on motivation. The purpose of this chapter in contrast to the first chapter was to discuss different trends and the like in tea and coffee. I would like to add more details on stuff like Pu erh tea or Singaporean Kopi but i felt at this point that I would need to get a fic out within the month and that I already had a decent amount of content

Next Chapter, I might do either burgers or ramen. Hard to say with one


	3. Chapter 3: The Time for Burger Hath Come

**Foreword:** This is a food related spinoff of GhostXavier's Fragments of Chaldea with GhostXavier's permission. As such, please do not use his characters without permission. In addition, any mistakes, food or character related, should be taken up with me not GhostXavier.

**Chapter 3: The Time for Burger Hath Come**

Chaldea, being a well-funded and highly staffed facility, has a cafeteria with access to the best ingredients and finest chefs possible. Millions of various items of the highest quality from all over the world can be replicated by the skilled chefs on hand. Of course, not everyone appreciates the fine food.

Enter Artesia, the Vanguard Platoon's own saber. While the regular Artoria is known to munch on good quality food with the ferocity of a storm, Artesia is cruder in her tastes. She enjoys fast food fries, burgers, churros and funnel cake. Today, her lunch was a stereotypical fast food burger meal, the centerpiece being what some of the Chaldea chefs would call "a coagulated mass of grease between two stale buns."

Evidently that day, one of the main chefs decided to say just that to Artesia: Emiya.

"Do you really have to critique my diet? My former master does that enough as it is" sneared Artesia at the expert chef. "Perhaps, but I'm shocked to see Artoria's counterpart have no regard for quality even if she's not a picky eater. Shouldn't a king want something with elegance" sighed Emiya at the corrupted saber's jab. "Food is fuel for fighting enemies. I really don't see the point in making it taste good from a utility standpoint" Artesia countered bluntly.

Suddenly, a loud claim rang through the cafeteria: "That's the furthest from the truth, other me". At that moment, Artoria had marched from her seat in the cafeteria, food of all variety piled high on the table, to march towards the alter. "The saying goes 'An army marches on its stomach' and if the stomach is disstatisfied with the food, so is the army. You yourself should have some recollection of how "poor" food was like back in our time."

"Ho?" snarked Artesia. "The food may have been bad back in our day, but I ask you taller me, what could possibly be done to make such a simple meal "elegant" as our esteemed chef would say."

"Artoria wouldn't be the one to ask given that I've usually cooked for her" Emiya remarked "but I can provide my input on how your "simple burger" could be made something more appealing starting with the patty. Your burger is probably using a basic ground beef made from trimmings of other parts. Usually, I would do at least chuck and short rib, the first for lean meat and balanced flavor and the second for fat content and stronger umami."

While Emiya was explaining the cuts of meat for a burger, Artoria was on the side on the verge of drooling. Emiya however was too engrossed in discussing how to improve the burger to notice.

"As for the bun, potato buns are typically used but I prefer a nice buttery brioche. They are spongy enough to soak up the flavor of the patty but they will still have structure. Cheese is also a big thing; a cheese that melts well with savory or salter profiles would be nice. Examples include Gouda, American, Chedder and Colby Jack."

And at this point, Artoria was zoned out; mumbling about wanting a burger in a daze.

"Finally, pickles. You really do need either pickles or some other source of acidity to cut though the fat and make it sit easier in the stomach."

"And I will have to stop you right there" Artesia quipped quickly with her hands thrown up in the air. "I was already overloaded with the beef talk. Adding all these details about the bun down to the pickles is making my head spin and is also delaying me from my meal. Honestly, I never understand people's obsession with making food more complicated than it should."

"Good grief. You asked for my input on hamburgers and how to make them "elegant" and this happens. Then again, I don't expect you to change that easily so I guess this was expected."

Suddenly, Tamamo popped in, ears perked. "Oh, did I hear talk about "hambagu" (hamburg steak)"

"No, Tamamo, not hambagu, hambaga (hamburger)"

"Oh, that. Honestly haven't had much experience with that stuff but I'm curious to learn about it, especially after seeing Artoira the way she is."

At that moment, Emiya snapped his head to see Artoira in her food desire daze. "Well, this and your wish, Tamamo, is enough reason for me to try something. I think your friend showed me a clip from a show she saw. The chef sounds so much like me, but he seemed to make a good kabab burger. I could use a challenge and it looks like people might want it.

And so, Emiya and Tamamo leave the cafeteria for the kitchen, all the while dragging the dazed Artoria along.

**Afterword:** yes, I have remembered what saber alter is called in FoC so going forward, any reference to her will use Artesia as her name. Also, given the fact that another Junichi Suwabe character, Hayama Akira, makes a burger in Food Wars, I felt the reference would be a cute meta thing to do.

I also want to take the time to apologize for the very long wait. I just lost motivation after the last chapter and combined with Covid, it was hard to work up the will. I will try to be more regular though.


End file.
